The Christmas Carpet

  • Cast Number: 7
  • Run-time: 45 minutes
  • Bible Reference: Matthew 25:34-45
While waiting and preparing for an important Christmas guest, the most important guest came, unnoticed and unwelcome in the form of children, a vacuum cleaner salesman and an unnwelcome sister. An easily staged drama with a good message.
Cast
6 plus voice Edna, middle age spinster
Margie, likely mid 20’s
Tom, 20’s or older
3 Conroy children C1, C2, C3 all could be male or female, with some changes, ages (except for children) not critical
VOG, (Voice of God) offstage should be a deep and expressive voice

Props: vacuum cleaner small plastic bag full of dirt. Note that care should be taken with what is used for dirt. Flour, corn starch, and baby powder are very heavy inhalants, and also flammable when in their dust state. However, they have been used for years and are still in use, on a limited basis. Likely best to use Ben Nye makeup products, either Ash Powder (whitish) Charcoal (greyish) or Plains Dust (brownish). The actors should still try to avoid a large inhalation of the "dust." briefcase coffee table plastic bag (supposedly holding watermelon)

Special Instructions: This drama can be played as a dinner theatre or multi-act drama with appropriate songs or meal in between segments

Sample of script:

Act I

Edna comes on stage wearing an apron, duster in hand, smudge of flour on her face, looks at her watch, reacts

Edna: Oh will you look at the time! I simply will never be ready in time! You know, much as I try to plan and get thing done on time, it seems like it always comes down to a last minute rush getting ready for Christmas and Christmas visitors.
And this year especially! Like I mean talk about a special guest!
My sister Nancy, she always says, “Edna, you shall simply never guess who is going to be my dinner guest!” See, Nancy, well, love her like crazy, but she is a bit of a card carrying snob, facts be told! Seems like she always does better, cooks better, speaks more intelligently on all kinds of subjects. What can I say, guess I was destined to be the sister in the background.
Well, not in the background to my sister Margie, I mean, Margie she never did have much, what with all those children and all.
Now don’t you go and get me wrong about me and my sister Nancy. It's not that I feel like I am competing with my dear sister Nancy, it's just that . . . . Well, I may as well come on out and admit that not only am I competing . . . I am constantly losing out in the competition! You know, for as long as I can remember, I got to feeling like . . . if only, just one time I could somehow . . . well . . . outdo Nancy . . just one single time!
(shakes head, throws up hands)
What is the use? Nancy is the wonder worker and I am . . . well . . . I am . . . me, is all.
(moves downstage, smile, as though sharing a secret with audience, beckons audience to come near, listen)
Hey, but listen! That was like yesterday! That was like in another lifetime! I want to tell you, I have this major, blow you out of the water kinda news! News about . . . come close, listen . . . News about my Christmas guest!
(struts around, self-important, smirk on face, pauses, looks into audience as though listening to someone, then breaks into uncontrollable laughter)
I knew you would be dying to find out about my Christmas guest! I flat out knew it! But before I lay the name on you, hey, how be we make us a small wager? Come on, what do you have to lose, I mean we aren’t going to bet real money or anything.
(laughing, pointing out into the audience)
Fine, see, the wager is this! I will bet you the spot of honour at my Christmas celebration table that you shall not be able to keep secret the name of my honoured guest!
(suddenly serious, frowns, becomes angry)
What are you saying? “Am I serious about this wager?”
Edna Sloan doesn’t go around throwing out wagers like penny candy at the Kiwanis parade, I tell you. Most certainly I am serious!
OK, now then, down to brass tacks, I always say . . . Ready for me to lay the name of my guest on you?
(laughs uncontrollably, slaps hands together above head, dances a jig, walks downstage as though sharing a secret)
It is none other than . . . .

door bell rings, Edna pauses

Edna: Wonder who that could be? (walking to door at side of stage) It’s too early for the mail, besides the mailman wouldn’t ring the doorbell. (suddenly a big smile, excited) I know! It is . . . my special guest!
rushes to door throws it open, speaks as she pulls Tom inside. Tom struggles, hauling in big briefcase and vacuum cleaner

Edna: You have come! You are here! You are a bit early, but no matter, you will just have to put up with dust if you happen to find any around while I am . . .

Edna frowns, trying to figure out what is going on

Edna: What is this, why the vacuum cleaner, what is happening . . .?

Tom, nervous: Well, maam, I am like, this is a new job for me, just started this morning.
(holds hand out to Edna)
Sorry, I was supposed to shake hands when I first came in, tell you my name, you will have to forgive me, this is my first call on this new job and I . .
(slaps his temple)
Where is my mind, supposed to tell you, my name is Tom. Tom Wright. I would give you a business card, but see, this is my first day on the job, my cards aren’t printed yet. . . . They are ordered, for sure. I saw the order with my own eyes. James Warden, he’s my new boss, he ordered my business cards, said it can take up to two weeks to get them.
James Warden, like I say, he’s my boss, he gave me some of his business cards, said I could use his business cards until my business cards come back. Would you like to have one of James Warden’s business cards, I got them right here in my pocket . . .
(searches one pocket, worried look on face, tries another pocket, smile of relief)
Ahh, here they are I knew that . . .
(business cards spill all over the floor, Tom and Edna both bend down to pick up the cards, bump heads)
Oh I am so sorry maam, I just bent over and like you bent over and . . . Did I tell you this is my first day on the job?

Edna: Yes. . yes, you did and, here, I will get your business cards while . .

Tom, starts to reach down: Oh, no maam, I couldn’t let you go and . .

Edna, hand up, palm out to stop him: Stay, do not move! (rubs her forehead) My forehead can’t take any more of your helpfulness! (picks up business cards, hands them to Tom) There, here are your cards. Now I am very busy, am expecting a very important guest so if you will . . .

Tom: Maam have you heard and seen the features of the revolutionary new Electrolux Turbocell Floor Management System?

Edna: Electrolux Turbo . . .

Tom: Fifteen minutes of your time is all maam, and you will thank me for introducing you to this wonderful new product.

Edna: I am sorry but I have no . . .

Tom: The revolutionary new Electrolux Turbocell Floor Management System can take care of every floor in your home maam. From the deepest pile carpet to your hard to clean hardwood flooring . . .

Edna: I don’t need any . . .

Tom: Dog maam?

Edna, indignant: I beg your pardon?

Tom: Do you have a dog maam?

Edna: No I do not!

Tom: Cat?

Edna: No, I have no pets . . . Well, a fish, but that’s . . .

Tom: Fish don’t shed like dogs or cats . . but if you ever do get a dog or a cat, why the revolutionary new Electrolux Turbocell Floor Management System will . . .

Edna: Sir, I have absolutely no intention of ever getting a . . .

Tom: Married?

Edna: No, I am not married, I never have been married and I . . .

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