What A Deer Christmas

  • Cast Number: 8
  • Run-time: 45 minutes

Theme:            Rudolph has lost his red glow, Santa is losing his memory and Christmas is upon the crew at the North Pole.
A silly comedy with accommodation for an optional dinner or dessert break, very usable for outreach.
 

Bible Reference:        

 

Cast:                8 (elves can be m or f)
Santa
Mrs Claus

elves:
Terry
Winken
Blinken
Martha
Erin
Kim

 

Set:                  blank, can be dressed up to be North Pole workshop

 

Lighting,  Sound:        standard

 

SFX:              sounds of drum noise, duck quacking, horses whinnying, tires screaming  

 

Costumes:     Santa dressed in green, Mrs Claus in red, elves as available

 

Props:            toys, paint and brush, drum set

 

Special Instructions:   for Jolly Green Giant commercial go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ilBsr9n3o
Google “Jingle Bell Rock” and “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” music

 

Time:             45

 

Sample of script:           

 

Terry is finishing painting a toy

Mrs comes on stage

 

Terry:              Morning Mrs C, trust you had a good night’s rest.

 

Mrs:                I tried Terry, goodness knows I did try.

 

Terry:              Do I detect a problem Mrs C?

 

Mrs, yawn:      You indeed could say that, for sure. . . Saint Albatross was all over the bed, arms and legs flailing!

 

Terry:              Saint Albatross? . . I am gonna go way out on a limb and guess that would be SC.

 

Mrs:                That husband of mine is far more active when asleep than awake.

 

Terry:              Well . . . Santa does work hard.

 

Mrs:                Give your head a shake . .  Most folks all over the world would consider it a walk in the park to just work one evening a year!

 

Terry:              Well SC does quarterback the “Making A List” project.

 

Mrs:                Quarterback? . . . Santa is more like the water boy! . . He sits around looking important while the staff of elffettes feeds all the children’s letters to Santa into the database.

 

Terry:              But Santa’s wonderful smile makes every elf and elfette happy to work extra hard.

 

Mrs, dreamy:  Yes, I must admit . .  my hubby has the most beautiful smile on earth! . .  Every child on earth loves him . . and I do too!

 

Winken, Blinken and Martha come on stage

 

Mrs:                I don’t remember seeing you guys here before.

 

Terry:              Mrs Claus, let me introduce you to our newest elves . . . I named them Winken, Blinken and Martha.

 

Mrs, disbelief:  Winken, Blinken and . . . Martha? . . .  You called her . . . Martha?

 

Terry:              Yes . .  yes I did! . . . And Martha just loves her name!

 

Martha:           Yes Ma’am, I do love my name! . . . And very pleased to meet you Mrs. Claus!

 

Mrs, to Terry:  You never thought of calling her . . .  Nod?

 

Terry, Winken, Blinken and Martha, shake their heads, giggle in unbelief

 

Terry:              Whoever thought of an elf named . .  Nod? . . . I mean it is just so . . not with it!

 

Winken:           Cliche!

 

Blinken:           So . . . plain!

 

Martha:           So . . . just not me! . .  I mean, I needed a name that has . . zoom . . pizzazz . . effect!

 

Terry:              And it came to me just like a . .  wow! . . Her name’s gonna be Martha!

 

Mrs:                 Well . .  Martha, Terry . .  you folks surely did hit a home run with that name!
But what say for the future we get you a database of names. .  just in case you want to spread your wings a bit Terry.

 

Terry, not convinced:  
I guess it could work. . . I have used up most of the really good names . .  Tim, Dick, Harry . .  .

 

Winken:           You really oughta consider something far out . . . like John.

 

Terry:              I gotta hand it to you Winken . . . you do have the ability to think outside the box!

 

Mrs:                 On another topic . . . Is it just me or is today’s elf somewhat taller than in the old days?

 

Terry:              I try to recruit the traditional elf but you gotta remember Santa’s workshop now employs over 2,000 elves. . . Trying to get that number of the smaller elf in a limited availability pool of potential employees is problematic. . . And not as easy as it sounds I tell you.

 

Mrs:                 I’m not being at all critical. . . Like Santa always says . . that Terry is doing a bang up job.

 

Terry is very appreciative, rushes to take Mrs’ hand, trips and falls into a drum set

 

Blinken:           My guess is little Jeremy McIntosh in Tacoma is gonna have to settle for Play Station rather than the drum set Santa promised.

 

Martha:           I was hoping I would get to meet Santa today.

 

Mrs. looks at watch:   
Well it’s only a quarter to December . . . Santa isn’t up and about a lot this far before Christmas.

 

Terry:              Guys you have to realize Santa has a big responsibility on Christmas Eve so he has to kinda save himself during the lead up to the important day.

 

Mrs:                 Save himself is it? . . The jolly big guy roars around the world on Christmas Eve but in his off season his biggest journey is from his bed to the refrigerator.

 

Terry:              Santa and you have seen a ton of Christmases for sure.

 

Mrs, dreamy:   Oh my yes. . . You should have seen my young Santa; he for sure was some looker, tall, muscular.

 

Terry:              I can just imagine he must have looked great in that gorgeous white beard.

 

Mrs:                 White beard . . . No he was a no beard. . . Nothing more than a scarce growth of peach fuzz when I first met him.

 

Winken:           Can’t imagine Santa without that wonderful white beard.

 

Blinken:           Yes and his spectacular red coat with white fur trim.

 

Mrs:                 Well, fact is you will have to get used to some changes with Santa.

 

Martha:           Changes? . .  But Santa never changes!

 

Blinken:           Santa changing would be like . . . Santa changing!

 

Mrs:                 Things happen . . . For starters no more fur trim.

 

Terry:              Santa with no fur trim? . . . That would be like . . .  I dunno . . . like . . . pasta without mayonnaise.

 

Martha:           You put mayonnaise on your pasta?

 

Winken:           Ewwwwwwwwww!

 

Mrs:                 Santa fought hard but he lost!

 

Terry:              Don’t tell me . . . PETA right?

 

Blinken:           You must be from England. . . . Here at the North Pole we pronounce it . .  Peter.

 

Mrs:                 No Blinken . .  Terry is referring to PETA . . . People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

 

Terry:              Animal rights activists.

 

Martha, back of hand to forehead, about to swoon:    
Oh no! . . . No more Santa as we have come to know him!

 

Mrs:                 Negative perspiration!

 

Winken:           “Negative perspiration”? . . . What does that mean?

 

Terry:              What does perspiration mean?

 

Winken:           Well, . .  like . .  sweat.

 

Terry:              So negative perspiration would be . . ?

 

Blinken:           Hold up there, I do believe I can connect the dots on this one. . . (thinks)
Negative perspiration would be . . . (excited)
Would mean . . . Have a ride on my golf cart! . . Am I right?

 

Mrs, raises eyebrows:  
Missed it by that much. . .  Best we post Blinken to feeding the reindeer Terry.
And Blinken . . I believe Terry’s comment about negative perspiration would lead most folks to . . . “no sweat.”

 

Blinken:           Exactly! . . .That was gonna be my second choice. . . (looks at the others) . .
It was . . .  really!

 

Winken, disgusted:     
Sweat? . . . Ewwwww!

 

Mrs:                 And maybe best keep Winken far away from the flying reindeer!

 

Blinken:           Flying reindeer can be a problem?

 

Terry:              What can happen when crows take off and fly over? . . . Crows are small . .  Reindeer are very large. . . Extrapolate from there.

 

Mrs:                 That’s one of the things I love about you Terry. . . You are never one to be subtle.

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