Carry Your Badge

  • Cast Number: 5
  • Run-time: 15 minutes
  • Bible Reference: Matthew 16:24-27
Maxwell Smart is back as his bumbling self, along with Agent 99, and all the others. Based on the old "Get Smart" TV show, this comedy asks the question, "What will you carry?" Choosing between crosses and crowns.

Maxwell Smart
Agent 99 (female)
Chief Larabee Siegfried

Props: baseball glove, paper cups and elastics

Sample of script:

Max is on stage, working with something, he hurts his finger

Max: Ouch, that smarts!

Max puts on a baseball glove,

Agent 99 comes on stage

99: Did I hear you calling out to yourself Max?

Max: To myself 99? Why would I call out to myself? None of us here at Control call out to ourselves, you should know that 99! I mean, what if KAOS was listening in on our output . .

99: On our output Max?

Max: Yes, 99, on our output. Siegfried is always looking for a chance to gobble up our output.

99: Let me get this straight Max. You are saying that Siegfried, KAOS’s most feared agent is a . . . turkey?

Max, shocked: He is? I did not know that 99, I mean how did you know that Siegfried was a turkey?

99: Max, it was you who said that Siegfried would gobble up our output and I took that to mean that he was a turkey.

Max: 99, I was talking metaphorically, I didn’t actually mean that he was a . . .

Chief rushes on stage

Chief: Max, 99, thank heavens you are here! Where’s Larabee?

99: Larabee has picked up a part-time job packing groceries at Grubpile Supermarket, but he should be along shortly.

Chief: What are you saying? One of our agents has taken on a part-time job? I will have you people know that being a Control agent is a full time job! I demand that all Control personnel devote themselves to their Control duties 110% of the time. Now just why would Larabee go get a part-time job anyhow?

99: Well sir, as you will remember you announced wage cuts of 90% for all Control staff.

Chief: Yes, I did, things are tough. But that doesn’t mean you agents can’t live on the wages you are paid, just cut out non-essentials.

Max: I see where you’re coming from Chief but with take home of $1.38 a week essentials become pretty non-essential.

Chief: Max, are you telling me you can’t put anything aside for a rainy day at that wage?

Max, holds thumb and index finger about an inch apart: Missed it by that much Chief.

99: Here comes Larabee now.

Larabee comes on stage, yawning

Larabee: I am some wasted!

Max: Mold off the cumquats?

Larabee: No. Wasted. Like tired.

Max: Gotcha Larabee, that was gonna be my second choice.

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