Celestial Bank

  • Cast Number: 4
  • Run-time: 10 minutes

“Celestial Bank” is a short comedy sketch about the dangers of avarice and status/wealth.

 

                      Keywords: Money, mammon, greed, wealth, status, humility

 

Bible Reference:        James 4:3

 

Cast:             3 adult males, 1 adult female; any ages from early twenties on

                      1 Offstage VOICE, male or female


Dave

                      Susan

                      Police Officer

                      Jim

                      ATM Voice

 

Set:               Bare stage

 

Special effects:          Offstage “VOICE” as required for ATM

 

Props:           Large appliance box big enough for a small adult or older child to fit inside unseen, with a small “drawer” that can slide in and out.  Box should be painted/labeled to resemble an ATM, with the words “CELESTIAL BANK – THE BANK WITH A SOUL.”

 

Costumes:    Normal street clothes for Dave, Jim, and Susan.  Some sort of police uniform (badge, gun. etc.) for Police Officer.

 

Lighting:       Standard

 

Sound:           Standard

 

Special  instructions:
See “Props” above.  Actor inside box can also provide ATM “voice”, but it would need to be amplified.

 

Time:            10 minutes

 


Script:

 

The scene is a street corner.  A free-standing ATM machine bears the logo “CELESTIAL BANK – THE BANK WITH A SOUL”.  A man, DAVE, happily approaches the ATM and swipes his card.  He is GREETED by an overly-cloying ATM VOICE.

 

ATM VOICE:             Good morning, sir, and welcome to Celestial Bank.  We’re the bank with a soul.  How can I help you today?

 

DAVE:                        Uh, yeah, I just need to get some cash.

 

ATM Voice:               Certainly, sir.  I see from your card your name is Dave.  How much would you like. Dave?

 

DAVE:                        Oh, I guess $100 should do it.

 

ATM Voice (after a brief pause):

Hmm, that’s interesting.

 

DAVE:                        What’s interesting?

 

ATM VOICE:             According to our records, we just gave you $100 yesterday.

DAVE (startled):        So what?

ATM VOICE:             What happened to that money, Dave?

DAVE (more startled):

Excuse me?

 

ATM VOICE:             You seem to be going through a great deal of money these days, Dave.  $1000 over the last week alone.  Where did it all go?

 

DAVE:                        I don’t know, lots of stuff.  Things are really expensive these days.

 

ATM VOICE:             I don’t think you’re being completely honest, Dave.
 

Dave looks around with a growing look of puzzlement.


DAVE:                        I’m sorry, what did you say?
 

ATM VOICE:             I said you haven’t been completely honest about your spending habits, Dave.  You’ve been playing the ponies, haven’t you?

 

DAVE (flabbergasted):

How…how did you know that?

 

ATM VOICE:             We have an ATM at the race track, Dave.  And one at Chez Pierre, that expensive French restaurant downtown.  You took your secretary to lunch there this week.  Twice.  Does your wife know about that?

 

Dave is thoroughly confused and more than a little embarrassed.

 

DAVE:                        Look, I really don't see how that's any of your business.  Can't I just have my money?  I’m kind of in a hurry.

 

ATM VOICE:             Say, that's a very nice watch you're wearing, Dave.  Is that a Rolex?

 

DAVE:                        Uh, yes.  Yes, it is.

 

ATM VOICE:             May I see it?

 

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