Sucks To Be Me Mrs. Peter

  • Cast Number: 1
  • Run-time: 7 minutes

Theme:            What would it have been like to be the wife of Simon Peter?
This monologue, (although adding contemporary humor), hits on a few high, and low, points.

 

Bible Reference:          Gospels

 

Cast:                1 female

 

Set, Sound:      standard

 

Costumes:       likely, but not at all necessarily, traditional

 

Time:              7

 

Sample of script:           

 

actress comes onstage, approaches table, smells something, picks up fish

 

Oy vey!

My husband the fisherman!

Catches a beautiful fish for my table.

Truly it’s a fine fish.

Will feed my entire family, more left over for snacks for my children.

I am his dutiful, thankful wife . . 

I am pleased, grateful with this wonderful fish which he has brought me.

But does he think maybe he might clean, filet the fish out there by the water, fresh air all around?

No he does not!

Does he think perhaps the fish cleans itself, bones pop out, scales drop off, all ready for a splash of lemon, spot of cream of tartar?

You ladies might have noticed . . .  men are marvelous creatures . . . mostly . . .

But thinking ahead . . .?

Not so much!

Long term future planning for men is . . . who will host the weekly Friday night checker game at noon on Wednesday.

looks around, shrugs shoulders

It’s true, I couldn’t make up anything that bizarre!

Seems years ago they had to switch from Friday to Wednesday. But the brain thrust in the men’s checker club decided it would be too much work to change the name on the mass mail outs to the 10 members.

But I regress . . .

Back to this fish . . .

My husband, he’s a fisherman, a fine one for sure.

I once asked my husband, “why for you became a fisherman Shi’mon?”

See that’s my husband’s name.

Shi’mon.

Shi’mon bar Yona.

looks around, raises eyebrows

Sorry, you don’t know the language, I can see that.
I shall translate.

Simon son of Jonah.

pauses, looks in the audience, throws up her hands in disgust

No, not that Jonah, that Jonah was short-term fish food.

Simon’s father was a fisherman too, just like a lot of people in Bethsaida where Simon grew up.

Everyone had a trade. . .  You could pick out what trade a man was in by seeing the symbol they wore.

Like cloth dyers wore colored rags . .  makes sense.

Tailors stuck needles in their tunics.

I once received a proposal of marriage from a tailor but I turned it down. I was afraid to get too close to him.

Carpenters they stuck wood chips behind their ear.

I am serious, wood chips behind their ear!

Can’t you just hear the genius who thought that one up?

“Hey guys, let’s us all go around 24/7 with a hunk of wood behind our ear! . . .  And for a break you don’t have to wear the wood on the Sabbath!”

Not to be outdone some long forgotten fisherman decided all fishermen would hang a fish around their neck. . .  During the hot Galilean summers the fish ripened and was discarded long before the Sabbath rolled around!

Listen, don’t get me wrong. . .  I love and respect my husband. . . .  Not only a good provider, but a man of God.

One day when Simon and his brother Andrew were out fishing a man, said to be a prophet, Jesus of Nazareth, he came and made them a lifetime offer. . . . And on the spot they dropped their fish nets and became fishers of men.

Was I concerned when my Simon walked away from his life’s occupation?

Yeahhhhhh!

Fact is I freaked out!

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