Theme: Comedy drama with a message.
There is a big event coming up, the First Annual FFM Classic Marathon race. But it is a kinda different marathon in that the FFM stands for “Fifteen Foot Marathon” and . . yup the course is only fifteen feet long . . . and some of the marathon contestants are running in the “chained” event where they are chained to the starting line. . .
Are you still with us on this?
Anyhow, there is some debate over whether running the “chained” or the “chainless” events are the best, and the contestants have to choose which event they are in.
Check it out, it actually makes sense, . . kinda.
Written as a 3 scene drama in order to insert dance or songs, can be run as a single scene.
Bible Reference: Galatians 5:1
Cast: 5 (male or female, any age)
Ace Grace, the self-proclaimed ace sportscaster
Stats Stella, ESPN sportscaster
Flash Felicia, chained runner
Jazzed Jaime, chained runner
Lady Lacy, unchained runner
Set: bare stage is all that is needed but could be dressed up to look like marathon race track
Lighting, sound: standard
Costumes: likely all are dressed in track suits
Props: chains fastened to something solid at the starting line
Special Effects: sounds of rooster crowing and pistol
Sample of Script:
Grace comes on stage, starts to do exercises, running on the spot, etc.
After a short time Stella comes on stage, stands at edge of stage looking at Grace, confused
Stella: Excuse me. . .
Grace continues exercising, ignores Stella, Grace, tentative, touches Grace’s shoulder
Stella: Excuse me, is there a race happening here?
Grace looks at Stella, bewildered, shocked
Grace: A race you ask? . . .
Stella: Yes, I was told that there was some kind of a race happening here this evening and I wanted to . . .
Grace: Honey, this here is not . . a . . race. . . . This here is . . the . . . race!
The . . race? . . .
Grace goes back to exercising
Stella: Excuse me, but what exactly is this here . . the race . . exactly?
Grace, shock: Let me guess. . . You come from Far Away And Fast Asleep County . . . am I right?
Stella: No . . no . . I am from here . . in Chicago.
Grace, shakes her head in disbelief:
You are from here in Chicago and you don’t know about the race?
Stella: Well, I just moved here to Chicago not long ago and . .
Grace: It shows, honey! . . For sure it does show!
Stella, holds out her hand to shake:
I am Stella, pleased to meet you, and you are . .
Grace: You are on the sports scene and you don’t know me? . . . Where have you been child?
Stella: Sorry I have . .
Grace, shakes hands with Stella:
Sports folks around here they call me . . . (build up) . . Ace Grace!
Stella: Pleased to meet you . . do I call you Ace or Grace.
Grace, rolls eyes:
The name is . . Ace Grace . . . It just goes together like . . . foot and ball, . . . like . . . race and car . . . like . . (thinks) . . . like . . . hock and E.
“Hock” and “E”?
Grace: Oh boyyyy!
This will be some exciting working alongside this winner!
Maybe you being new around here and all, never heard of the Chicago hockey team?
Stella: Oh of course, Blackhawks, . . . National Hockey League champions, . . . captain Jonathan Toews, (pronounced taves), . . Blackhawks have been league champions a total of 5 times . . . one of the original 6 teams when the National Hockey League was formed in 1926 . . Most of the players back then came from the Portland Rosebuds of the Western Hockey League, originally the Regina Capitals of the Western Canada Hockey League. . .
Blackhawks play their games at Union Center after spending 65 years at the old Chicago Stadium.
Gotta hand it to you, you do know your hockey!
Stella: Well they do call me . . . Stats Stella. . . . ESPN.
Grace: Well . . . I am . . Ace Grace . . . GBC.
Stella: GBC? . . I don’t think I know that network.
Grace: GBC . . . stands for . . . (assumes pose) . . . Gorgeous Beautiful Chic!
Felicia, Jaime and Lacy come on stage, start preparing for race
Grace: Here comes the runners.
Grace: For FFM.
Grace: Has anyone ever told you how annoying it is to answer a question with a question?
Stella: Sorry. . . But I think you just did the same thing. . . But regardless, what is FFM?
Grace: It is . . .
Stella: . . . don’t tell me, it’s . .
Stella & Grace, in unison:
. . . the race.
Grace: Yup, the marathon.
Stella: Wow, it’s a marathon?
Grace: Yup, First Annual FFM Classic.
Stella: How long? Is this a full or half marathon course?
Grace: Well, like the name says, FFM . . . . Fifteen feet.
Stella: Fifteen feet?
Grace: Yup, the First Annual FFM Classic, . . the Fifteen Foot Marathon. . . Toughest course in the state. .
Stella: Wow, only fifteen feet, must be straight uphill, through rocks, water and ice.
Grace: Nope . . . right here on the parking lot. . . It’s the only . . chains optional . . . marathon . . . anywhere.
Stella looks at Grace with shocked confusion
Grace and Stella are sitting at their desks, the three runners are doing their warm up exercises
Stella: I don’t quite understand about this . . marathon . .
Grace: The First Annual FFM Classic.
Stella: Yeh, the . . what you said . . But I don’t understand . .
Grace: I am coming to realize that about you for sure. . . But what’s not to understand? . . It’s the First Annual FFM Classic. . . The course is fifteen feet long. . . And the race is chains optional. What’s so hard to figure about that?
Stella: Well for starters a marathon by definition is 26.2 miles long. . . Even a half marathon is like 13.1 miles.
Grace, shock: Seriously? . . Now that is just plain silly! . . . Fifteen feet . . now that’s a proper marathon for you!
Stella: And this chains optional thing . . what’s that all about?
Grace: What’s not to know? . . Some runners like running chains enabled, some like running chainless.
Stella: I don’t understand.
Grace: Like I said . . . I’ve noticed that about you. . . Anyhow, let’s step over here and interview the First Annual FFM Classic contestants.
Grace and Stella move to the runners
Grace: Excuse me ladies, I am Ace Grace, reporter covering this event, and (motions to Stella, rolls her eyes) . . . this one calls herself . . Stats Stella.
(to Felicia) . . .
Your name please?
Felicia, strikes weightlifter pose:
They call me . .. Flash Felicia!
Grace: You are a contestant in the First Annual FFM Classic I believe?
Felicia: You got that right . . I never miss a First Annual FFM Classic!
Stella: That sounds wonderful, how many years have you been coming to the First Annual FFM Classic?
How many years? . . . I don’t understand . . This is the first year for the First Annual FFM Classic.
Stella: Then how can you say you never miss . .
Grace, rolls eyes:
Whatever. . . Tell me about the gruelling training you do in preparation for this marathon, Flash Felicia.
Jaime: Whoa! . . . You oughta see the training Flash Felicia does!
Stella, to Jaime:
And you are?
Jaime: The one, the only . . Jazzed Jaime, and I rock! (does some dance moves)
Stella: And you are about to compete in the First Annual FFM Classic?
Jaime: My buddy Flash Felicia yelled out at me and I . . (dance moves) . . rocked on over!
Grace: Flash Felicia and Jazzed Jaime are tight, for sure, buds ‘til the end!
Stella, to Lacy: You seem very quiet.
Lacy: Just trying to figure out the rules of this marathon.
Grace, holds out hand to shake:
Don’t believe I have had the pleasure, I am Ace Grace, for sure you would know me.
Lacy: No, sorry, I don’t think we have met.
Grace: Not met, but for sure you have seen me on TV.
Lacy: Sorry, I don’t think I have.
(holds out hand to Grace)
I am Lady Lacy.
Felicia and Jaime giggle and point at Lacy
Jaime: Bet Lady Lacy doesn’t even spit in her gloves before the race!
Stella: Why would you spit in your gloves when you are running?
Felicia: My guess is you are new to marathons, Stats Stella.
Lacy: Can someone clear up the rules of this marathon for me?
Jaime: Pretty straight forward, you ask me. . . . Start off at the finish line . . . When the rooster crows you start running . . .
Lacy: The rooster crows to start the race? . . . They don’t have a starter pistol?
Felicia: How could you use a pistol? . . That would scare the rooster.
Jaime: Like a starter pistol makes sense! . . . Not!
Lacy: OK, whatever. But what about the “chains optional” rule?
Felicia: That is the really cool part! . . . (holds up her chain) . . See the really far out chains I got for this race?
Nice shade of silver Felicia! . . (holds up her chains) . . I kinda like the gold chains I got.
Felicia: Wow, nice Jaime!
Grace: Lady Lacy, thing is you hook your chain to the starting line and then try to run across the finish line. First marathoner to cross the finish line wins.
Felicia, points to Lacy:
Miss Goody Two Shoes here doesn’t have a chain so she will have to run chainless.
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