a comedy with two couples at different stages of Christmas understanding shop in the department store
NOTE: if desired the set can be a department store, with shopping cart, etc., but we recommend that the action and activities be mimed.
Cast: two couples, can be any age but likely middle age
OSV (Off stage voice) is a “snake oil salesman” type, sickeningly nice. Each time he says “Holiday Season” he over-emphasizes these words.
Song: Safe In The Arms of Jesus by Fanny Crosby, William H. Doane Check in any hymn book.
Sample of script
OSV : Once again, here we are at . . the Holiday Season. Oh my yes, the Holiday Season, a wonderfully religious time of the year, when each of us, in his .. . or her, own way, celebrates the Holiday Season, by . . .going to the mall, of his . . or her, own choice.
Meet now two couples, the Smiths and the Jones . . . .yes, I said the Smiths and the Jones’.
Look this is a low budget documentary presentation, we spent our budget on the steak, not the sizzle. (clears throat)
Now then, where were we? Ah, yes. The Smiths and the Jones’.
Two couples enter from opposite sides of stage, mime shopping, looking at items. When one couple is being introduced by narrator they will react appropriately while the other couple freezes, and vice versa
Narrator: Here we have the Smith family; Roger and Adele. Pillars of the community, leaders in their church, people to be counted on to help whenever there is a need.
And here, the Jones family; Doug and Doreen. Nit-pickers of the community, tourists in their church, people to be counted on to partake on what is freely given.
The Smiths and the Jones’. Acquaintances. Not really friends. Travelers together on the road of life. Both families here in Bengal’s Department Store, in preparation for . . .mmmmm . . . the Holiday Season.
Come with us if you will, as we follow these two couples through the annual tradition of . . . surviving Christmas!
Adele: Oh. Doug, call me an overgrown kid but I love this season of the year!
Roger: Well, I have to admit that I love it too, Adele. An excitement that never goes away, no matter how old we become! But seems as though we are losing something. See all the signs, “Happy Holiday Season”. Remember the old days, when it was called “Christmas”, now all you hear is the Holiday Season.
Adele: I am noticing that too. Used to be that at least the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church. Nowadays even a lot of Christians seem to have left that behind.
Roger: Too bad, isn’t it? How can we ever forget that the key to Christmas is Jesus Christ!
Smiths freeze, narrator’s voice back up
Narrator: Hey, hey, hey! I will have you know this is a family-friendly drama here, let’s keep the religious drivel behind closed doors!
Jones couple come rushing down the aisle, hurriedly grabbing things off the shelf, looking at price tag, gasping, but putting it in the shopping cart.
Narrator: Here comes couple who look to be in the, (emphasize), real, Christmas spirit! Oh my, warms your heart, doesn’t it, just watching them? Rushing around the store, scowls on their ashen, drawn faces, arguing with each other over every item, screaming at each other over the cost of this junk. Oh my, yes, now here we see Christmas shopping as it was meant to be!
Jones couple mime an argument
Narrator: Here we go now, our couple are initiating an S-C-A-T! Well, done, an S-C-A-T, a Sharp Christmas Argumentative Tirade! Looks like it would grade a 9.2 from where I sit!
Doug takes his wallet, closes it up emphatically, stuffs it in his pocket
Narrator: Well done, Dougie boy! This man is a pro! Did you see that very nicely delivered W-E-L-L? Been ages since I have seen a W-E-L-L, a Wallet Effective Limiting Lashback with that kind of finesse! Doug may have started off slow in the Christmas shopping derby but he is no slouch in the stretch, let me tell you!
Doreen turns her back to Doug, won’t look at him
Narrator: Hey, did you see that move from Doreen? Wow, a very well executed B-A-T! Yes, it was, a B-A-T, a Block and Terminate move. Can we roll that again please? I, for one, want one more look at that move!
Repeat: Doreen turns her back to Doug, won’t look at him
Narrator: What you just witnessed there, ladies and gentlemen, was nothing short of terrific! The outstanding finesse! Footwork extraordinaire! And it’s curtains for Dougie, and match point for Doreen!
Jones couple freeze, Smiths react in a friendly way to each other
Narrator: Oh, my, this will never do! The Smith couple are simply not in the same league with Doug and Doreen! Friendship, love, mutual appreciation! I think not! Let’s move the two couples more closely together, see what this may do.
Jones couple come closer to Smiths
Roger: Isn’t that Doug and Doreen Jones from down the street?
Adele: Sure is. Hi, Doreen, shopping for Christmas are you?
Roger: Hi Doug, sure lots of crowds here at the mall today, huh?
Doug, phony: Hey, Seasons Greetings, Robert . . .
Roger: . . . Roger. Merry Christmas.
Doug: Right, I knew that, Ricky. Yeh, these crowds remind me just how much I hate Christmas . . . that and the prices, highway robbery! Bengal’s Department Store, right! Bengal’s Ripoff Emporium, more like! Old man Bengal must want to add another yacht to his fleet, the way he jacks the prices up for this junk at this season! I tell ya Robert, something’s gotta be done! Just gotta be done!
Doreen: How can you tell that my husband isn’t a big fan of Christmas shopping?
Adele: Well, just like, (emphasizes while glaring at Doug), Roger, and I were saying a minute ago, seems like we have all taken “Christmas” out of the season. Seems like with most people today Christmas is only another holiday season. All there is is rush, rush, rush; buy, buy, buy! Hardly ever hear a word spoken about the birth of Jesus Christ, or the reason for the season.
Doug, looking around very uncomfortable, as though worried some one may overhear
Adele: Hey, wow, I mean, like, anyhow, so how’s work been going over at Centennial Flooring, Robin?
Roger: It’s Roger, and actually I work at Reliable Computers.
Doug: Right, that’s it! I knew you were somehow involved in construction.
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