Description

Specially written for a dear friend Elizabeth and her family.
A 9-year-old stand-up comedian talks of life in a Christian environment in a family and in school. Lovingly pokes fun at parents, siblings, and Christians in general.
This custom-written script is an example of our custom-writing program for DramaShare members, contact us.

Bible Reference: Ephesians 6:4

Cast: 1

Set, Sound, Costumes, Props: standard

Time:  4 minutes

Script:

offstage voice

Hey Mom, I mean don’t worry.

I’ll be fine!

pause

No Dad . . . I will not say anything to bring embarrassment to the family!

I am just doing a little stand-up comedy . . .  I mean like, what could possibly go wrong?

Actor comes on stage, shaking head

Dad has this major fear about what I may say . . .

And Mom, last thing she said to me is, “Remember we will have to live in this community long after you are gone!”

Not sure what that means . . . . Does she plan to ship me off somewhere or does she think I am coming down with some awful disease?

Dad said . . . “Just don’t say anything about your brother or sister, OK?”

(pauses, looks around innocently)

I mean, like what could Dad possibly be worried about?

Here I am with a live mic, on stage, several feet from my parents, what could possibly go wrong?

Dad said, “Elizabeth . . .”

See, that’s what Dad calls me . . .  “Elizabeth” . . . He calls me that . . . on accounta . . . like, that’s my name . . . Elizabeth  (add middle name) Hoffert!

Me, I’m just your average, amazingly well-adjusted, brilliant 9-year-old kid.

I already mentioned my parents . . .

My Mom, Shannon, beautiful woman, folks who meet her can’t believe she could be old enough to be the mother of a 9-year-old. . . .

My Mom, that’s where my great looks come from . . .

Rich brown hair . . .

Funny thing though, her hair’s brown but in certain lighting, roots look, I dunno, different.

Yep, my Mom’s a looker.

And my Dad . . . he’s . . . (pauses, looks in the audience) . . . he’s dignified!

Gorgeous black hair! . . . Said his hair used to be wavy . . . Looks to me like some is waving goodbye!

I am the oldest child in the family, and certainly the best looking.

My sister Avery is 6.

Mom calls Avery a diva, a prima donna.

I never heard those words before. . . . So I looked them up . . .

Says: “A self-important person who is temperamental and difficult to please . . .”

Now does that sound anything like my 6-year-old sister Avery? . . .

(pauses, deep in thought)

Nah!!!!

(Disbelieving, makes strange face)

And take my 3-year-old brother, Hud . . . .

(pauses, looks around the audience, anticipating)

No . . . I mean, you take him . . . anyone.  . . . Please take my “all boy” brother Hud!

(giggles)

You all know I am teasing, about my parents and my sister and brother . . .  (thinks) . . . Yep even my little brother! . . . Well, when it come to Hud . .  depends on what I am offered!

I thank God every day for my beautiful family.

All the important areas in my life, my family are there for me.