Theme: Specially written for a dear friend Elizabeth and her family.
A 9 year old stand-up comedian talks of life in a Christian environment in a family and in school. Lovingly pokes fun at parents, siblings and Christians in general. DramaShare can adjust this monologue to individual circumstances.
Bible Reference: Ephesians 6:4
Set, Sound, Costumes, Props: standard
Time: 4 minutes
Hey Mom, I mean don’t worry.
I’ll be fine!
No Dad . . . I will not say anything to bring embarrassment to the family!
I am just doing a little stand-up comedy . . . I mean like, what could possibly go wrong?
Actor comes on stage, shaking head
Dad has this major fear about what I may say . . .
And Mom, last thing she said to me is, “Remember we will have to live in this community long after you are gone!”
Not sure what that means . . . . Does she plan to ship me off somewhere or does she think I am coming down with some awful disease?
Dad said . . . “Just don’t say anything about your brother or sister, OK?”
(pauses, looks around innocently)
I mean, like what could Dad possibly be worried about?
Here I am with a live mic, on stage, several feet from my parents, what could possibly go wrong?
Dad said, “Elizabeth . . .”
See, that’s what Dad calls me . . . “Elizabeth” . . . He calls me that . . . on accounta . . . like, that’s my name . . . Elizabeth (add middle name) Hoffert!
Me, I’m just your average, amazingly well adjusted, brilliant 9 year old kid.
I already mentioned my parents . . .
My Mom, Shannon, beautiful woman, folks who meet her can’t believe she could be old enough to be the mother of a 9 year old. . . .
My Mom, that’s where my great looks come from . . .
Rich brown hair . . .
Funny thing though, her hair’s brown but in certain lighting, roots look, I dunno, different.
Yep, my Mom’s a looker.
And my Dad . . . he’s . . . (pauses, looks in the audience) . . . he’s dignified!
Gorgeous black hair! . . . Said his hair used to be wavy . . . Looks to me like some is waving goodbye!
I am the oldest child in the family, and certainly the best looking.
My sister Avery is 6.
Mom calls Avery a diva, a prima donna.
I never heard those words before. . . . So I looked them up . . .
Says: “A self-important person who is temperamental and difficult to please . . .”
Now does that sound anything like my 6 year old sister Avery? . . .
(pauses, deep in thought)
(Disbelieving, makes strange face)
And take my 3 year old brother, Hud . . . .
(pauses, looks around the audience, anticipating)
No . . . I mean, you take him . . . anyone. . . . Please take my “all boy” brother Hud!
You all know I am teasing, about my parents and my sister and brother . . . (thinks) . . . Yep even my little brother! . . . Well, when it come to Hud . . depends on what I am offered!
I thank God every day for my beautiful family.
All the important areas in my life, my family are there for me.
My parents care enough to send me to a great Christian school, Evangelical Christian School!
At ECS we not only get the very best schooling, but we also get to learn in positive Christian surroundings, with caring Christian teachers.
ECS is great academically, but also has wonderful sports programs. Some great sports legends got their training at ECS. . . . Like Brent Rooker with baseball, Minnesota Twins. . .
I have a kinda crush on Kam Jones, see he’s a great basketball player, over 1,000 career points!
Oh I know, Cam’s much too old for me but, after all there is, like, my Mom and Dad!
Ooops, sorry Dad.
And at ECS we get great opportunities to study the Bible and even sometimes to go on missions trips to other countries, to tell other kids about Jesus and how much he loves them.
Now don’t get the idea I run around hittin’ people over the head with a Bible. Fact is I have trouble sharing my faith, kinda shy I guess. But when I see the difference it makes with kids having Jesus in their hearts . . . I mean, if they want to hear, . . . how can I not tell them?
Special things for adults too at ECS! Dr. Kimmel had a Parents class, Grace Based Parenting, I hoped he might have some good info on grace based increases in kid’s allowances. . . . Haven’t seen the fruits of that as of yet.
(starts to walk off stage, pauses, turns back)
Just thinkin’ . . . Maybe you never heard about what Jesus can do in your life too?
(smiles, hands held out, nods, turns, walks off)