Mobsters Wink

  • Cast Number: 12
  • Run-time: 90 minutes
  • Bible Reference: Ecclesiastes 10:19
Listen up youse guys.
The local mob family has been bought out by a new family, so changes are coming. And to further complicate things along comes super cop, Lieutenant Colombo, bumbling his way through the investigation of the cold case murder of one Tommy Gunn.
This dinner theatre provides narration through a singing (badly) group of troubadours who keep the action coming fast and . . well . . . silly, actually. Their songs are of course original, actually no one would admit to writing these silly songs.
There is a planned intermission for the meal or dessert, and the audience get to be judge and jury to decide who is the guilty one.

Cast: 12 or more, (any number of non-speaking extras)
Pinkie, likely male, the old mob boss
Mugsie, likely male
Cabbage, likely male
Tenderboy, male
Martha, male
Tall Linda, female, the new mob owner, short
Boots, female, the new mob boss
Winnie the Wink, female, short
Colombo, male, cop
Singer(s) male or female, may be three or more persons, (singing talent is VERY optional)
A fun, and funny look at the (maybe not quite real) mob scene

Sample of script:

Singers come on stage, hum to find the right key, all are on different key, singing very badly

Singers: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmm
(clear throats)
This story now we bring to you
We sing it loud and strong
We never once have sung before
Who knows if we last long

Our tale of woe we bring to youse
A tale of right and wrong
We sing of those who evil do
Like us they won’t last long

Mobsters here, mobsters there
Mobsters all
Give us all the evil we can bear
A heist, someone iced
Enjoyin’ what we do

Big Al he was the mobster king
He ran a happy mob
Pinkie, Mugsie, Tenderboy
Was in for every job
Big Al he needed time to rest
He needed time to think
The winds of change they start to blow
And man those winds can stink

Mobsters here, mobsters there
Mobsters all
Give us all the evil we can bear
A heist, someone iced
Enjoyin’ what we do

singers off stage

group of mobsters are sitting around, some playing cards, some asleep in chairs, Mugsie jumps up from his chair at the card table, pats his gun, shouts

Mugsie: All right, all of youse! Hands up on the table where I can see what youse are doin’! And don’t even think’a touchin’ those cards!

Pinkie who was sleeping falls out of his chair, stands up, annoyed

Pinkie: Hey what's goin’ on Mugsie, you know full well I was catchin’ twenty z’s here! You do that again, gonna find you could be restin’ comfortable on a slab in the morgue.

Mugsie: Ahh Pinkie, I took all I could’a took, these here street crew wise guyz I been playin’ cards with, they must take me for a fool.

Fingers: What ya moanin’ about Mugsie, just a sore loser is what you are!

Mugsie, grabs Fingers by the collar, shakes him:So I am a sore loser am I Fingers? Let me show you a sore loser!

Pinkie: Chill Mugsie, let Fingers be. Tell me, what’s got you frothin’ at the mouth.

Mugsie: These dudes are cheatin’ me at cards here!

chorus of forced and phoney disbelief:

Martha: How can ya say such a thing about me, I am your bud, remember?
Cabbage: Ya hurt me bad when ya make that kinda accusation, unfounded andhurtful is what!
Tenderboy: Doncha remember, it was us guys what caused a diversion when you wasbein’ busted last month?

Mugsie: What you talkin’ ‘bout Tenderboy, caused a diversion? Youse guys racedaway, left me to face the feds!

Cabbage: So our idea didn’t quite work out, we figgered that the fuzz would chaseus, and leave you be, so’s that you could escape. . . . Ya that’s it!

Martha: Ya Mugsie, our hearts was in the right place, trust us.

Mugsie: Right Martha, like I am gonna trust youse guys for a minute, ya right!

Pinkie: Enough’a this, now Mugsie, you gonna tell me what's your beef with thesefolks or what, remember we are family here, and as the unofficial spot ofthe family . . .

Cabbage: The spot? You, the . . . . boss . . . of the family? Since when didsomebody die and make you the spot Pinkie?

Pinkie, menacingly:Since I, Pinkie the Punk, say so, somebody maybe gonna challenge me . .? Maybe you, Cabbage?

Cabbage, backing down:Me, I never said nothin’ Pinkie, I mean, I’m . . .

Pinkie: Good. And maybe don’t forget real quick, OK Cabbage? . . . Now then,Mugsie, what beef you bringin’ against these fine gentlemen?

Mugsie: These . . . fine . . . gentlemen . . and I use the term with a bunch’alooseness . . . these fine gentlemen bin cheatin’ me at cards here.

Pinkie: So ya say Mugsie . . but what, like, proof ya got?

Mugsie, holds up card:See this card Pinkie?

Pinkie: So what's this Mugsie, flash card time at preschool? Ten’a diamonds, whatdoes that prove?

Mugsie: Look again Pinkie, real close this time.

Pinkie: I ain’t got my glasses Mugsie, what say you tell me?

Mugsie: Well you was close Pinkie, it for sure is diamonds. But if ya counts themthey is eleven diamonds. And last I hear, ten’a diamonds got . . like . .ten diamonds on the card . . believe it or not. . . . Now then, you figger Imaybe got a beef?

Pinkie: Not sure, what would your beef be?

Mugsie: My beef would be that these losers is playin’ with a phoney deck’a cards.

Pinkie: “Phoney?” . . . . Awwwww, now that is harsh! . . . Real harsh! . . .Marginal truth deficient perhaps . . . but “phoney?” . . . . Much too harsh!

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