The Christmas Skit

  • Cast Number: 24
  • Run-time: 120 minutes
  • Bible Reference: Luke 2
The school Christmas program is off because there is no one to run it, so the most unlikely parent around plans and stages the Christmas drama, and learns a great deal in the process.
A segmented script includes a puppet segment and human video (mime to music) for the song "Mary Did You Know"

Sample of script:

Act I – Padfield family living room

Mom, Pop and Donnie are on stage, Pop and Donnie are totally engrossed in watching TV, Mom is dusting. Bev and Deanna come on stage, happy, laughing

Deanna, as they come on stage: So I said, ‘man, like there is not nothing can take the smile off my face today, not even seeing someone as nerdy as you Stephen Brown!’

Bev, laughing loudly: I know where you are coming from on that one

Deanna! Hi Mom, hi Pop! Hey Squirt.

Deanna: Hello Mrs. Padfield, Mr. Padfield. Hi Ronnie.

Mom: Well I must say, you two are in a good mood today! Someone get a hundred percent on their Computer Science exam?

Bev: Way better than that!

Deanna: Yup! Zero percent on skit!

Bev: Yahoo! Best thing to happen at school since Mrs. Yausie fried the deep fryer in Home Ec!

Mom: Bev, I have never figured out why it was that you hated your Home Ec class so much.

Bev: Mom, it’s not so much that I hate it, it’s just that it is so boring . . . and needless. Why should we learn how to cook when you are never that far from McDonalds, no matter where you go? But I will say this much, I would spend twenty hours a day in Home Ec rather than have to do that skit thing again this Christmas!

Deanna: Me too! All I can say is thank goodness for diseases!

Mom: What are you guys talking about . . . skits . . . diseases, what’s going on?

Bev and Deanna sing together to tune of Jingle Bells, dancing as in chorus line

Bev and Deanna: It's so nice, it's a slice
We won't have to hear
“Let it snow” and “ho ho ho”
Ringing in our ears
I’m so glad, I’m not sad
To hear that skit is off
The nicest sound we’ve heard around
Is Mrs. England’s cough!

Pop: Would you too keep it down, I’m trying to listen to some important TV here!
Ronnie: Yeah, how’s a guy supposed to hear the TV around here?

Bev: Oh Pop, it's just Everybody Loves Raymond reruns! And Ronnie, don’t you have anything better to do than watch old TV shows?

Pop and Ronnie go on watching TV, no reaction to Bev

Mom: OK, girls, now exactly what's going on with this whole thing here?

Bev: Oh mom, it is simply wonderful! Mrs. England has some rare disease that will keep her away from school until after Christmas!

Bev and Deanna high five

Mom: Girls! What a terrible thing to say! Poor Mrs. England! And I thought you liked Mrs. England, I thought she was one of your favourite teachers at school?

Deanna: Of course we like Mrs. England, and no one likes to see her getting sick and all. It’s just that if she did have to get sick, thank goodness it would happen before Christmas, before rehearsals started.

Ronnie and Pop laugh loudly

Pop: That Frank Barone, he is some card!

Ronnie: Yeah Pop! Some card is right!

Ronnie and Pop high five

Mom: Brian, I am not really comfortable with Ronnie watching that show.

Pop: And what’s wrong with Raymond?

Ronnie: Yeh, Mom, like they say, (mimic TV’s Robert Barone), “Everybody Loves Raymond”!

Pop: Listen up you guys, this here is a really funny part here.

Ronnie: Isn’t this the one where Marie throws Debra’s supper in the garbage?

Pop: Hush up, listen, I don’t want to miss this part!

Pop and Ronnie go back to watching TV, ignoring all else going on

Mom: Now about Mrs. England?

Bev: Well, Mrs. England is always in charge of the school Christmas concert.

Deanna: Yeh, and for whatever reason everyone has to be in the silly skit every Christmas. I mean, I don’t even want to be in some dumb skit!

Bev: Let’s face it, nobody does . . . well, except nerdy Stephen Brown, not that Stephen Brown’s opinion counts for anything. Stephen Brown thinks being in a skit is like exciting!

Deanna: Stephen Brown thinks watching paint dry is exciting.

Mom: Well, with Mrs. England gone who is going to look after the Christmas program?

Bev: That’s the whole point, no one is, the Christmas program is being cancelled.

Pop, turns off the TV with remote: I gotta say, that was some first class TV!

Donnie: First class all the way is what, Pop!

Mom, shocked: The Christmas program is cancelled?

Pop: What Christmas program is this you are talking about?

Mom: The girls just told me that the school Christmas program was cancelled.

Pop, irate: What’s this? What’s next? Teachers around here have been getting it easier all the time, now they are gonna duck out on Christmas?

Donnie: Seems like you should be doing something about this Pop, what with all the taxes you pay and all!

Bev: Cool it Squirt, cancelling the Christmas skit is a good thing!

Donnie: That’s easy for you to say big sister, but fact is that it’s Pop that pays the taxes around here I will have you know!

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