Airport Self-Controlers

  • Cast Number: 2
  • Run-time: 20 minutes
  • Bible Reference: Galatians 5:22
practicing self-control. A pilot refuses to accept the control of the authority that is in the control tower. He is refused several requests for what he thinks is best. His disobedience puts himself and his passengers in danger.

Sample of script:

Pilot: Wakahingabu Airport Control Center, this is Captain Dangerfield of Alahoopla Airlines Flight zeeero zeeero ayight tharee, reporting in.

Control: This is Wakahingabu Airport Control Center . We hear you Alahoopla 0083, go ahead.

Pilot: We are presently 120 miles west of Wakahingabu Airport, and are flying at 18,500 feet, travelling at 486 miles per hour. At that speed we reckon to be landing in . . .real quick actually.

Control: Please confirm, you said you are at 18,500 feet altitude?

Pilot: Yeppers.

Control: Whatever are you doing flying at 18,500 feet in that area? I have a note here that says you were told by East Central Control that you were to maintain 39,000 feet altitude?

Pilot: Yes, but it didn’t suit us.

Control: Didn’t suit you? What do you mean it didn’t suit you?

Pilot: Well, see, I have my daughter on board, it’s her first flight, she wanted to see the Parksville Roller Tilt-A-Whirl Park and she couldn’t see from 39,000 feet. Naturally I had no alternative other than to descend to decent altitude, couldn’t very well spoil the experience for my princess, I am sure you understand.

Control: And surely you understand Captain Dangerfield, that there are six 902 Maxi-Bus planes flying at 18,500 feet as we speak, and they are coming straight at you. My guess is that will spoil the experience for your princess and all other 380 passengers aboard your plane, Captain Dangerfield!

Pilot: Well, this is simply unacceptable! You will simply have to tell the other planes to go somewhere else.

Control: Captain Dangerfield, those other flights are supposed to be there. You are not supposed to be there. Now climb immediately to 39,000 feet!

Pilot: Oh rats! I hate it when you guys tell me what to do. I can make my own best decisions. (has a temper tantrum) I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! Not fair! Not fair at all I tell you! What right do you have to tell me what to do? (stomps feet, clenches fists, sobs loudly) I am a Captain! I fly a big planey! I am a big boy! Not fair! Captain Dangerfield gonna cry real bad if you don’t let me fly my planey where I wanna fly my planey!

Control: Captain Dangerfield, control yourself!

Pilot: That’s whaty I wanna do, control my self, what right do you bad men have, tryin’ to control me, who are you anyhow?

Control: Captain Dangerfield, we control you because, are you ready for this Captain, listen closely cause I am not going to repeat it. WE . . .ARE . . . CONTROLLERS!

Pilot: Oh, sure, and just ‘cause you are controllers you think you can control all of us big important airplanes way up here in the sky, huh?

Control: Exactly! That’s exactly why we are here, to control all airplanes.

Pilot: I don’t like it! Not fair! I want to self-control! Tell me why I can’t self-control!

Control: First, because we can see what is happening all around you and can communicate moment by moment with every aircraft in the area. You can not.

Pilot: Oh, sure, and I suppose I even wanna communicate with those other meanie aircraft!

Control: Well, put it this way, Captain Dangerfield, you had better start immediate corrective action as we have instructed you, or within 3.8 minutes as we calculate it you will encounter immense inner destabilization implosion!

Pilot: . . . immense inner destabilization implosion . . .? I don’t understand!

Control: You will go boom!

Pilot: Caused by . . ?

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