Chilli Chaw-down

  • Cast Number: 4
  • Run-time: 12 minutes

Theme:           Announcement for a chilli supper which is in the planning, so get ready with the Pepto-Bismol!

 

Cast:               four actors, likely male

 

Set:                  none

 

Costumes:      likely Western wear

 

Script:

 

Wild:               Hey, y’alls!  What’s all you folks a’doin’ a’hangin’ around these parts, jist hangin’?

 

Billy:               Well, what we’s a’doin’ is fixin’ ta make us some plans fer ta chaw down, we is fer shore!

 

Wild:               Really?  Y’alls in these parts make plans fer ta chaw down do y’alls?

 

Slim:                Reckon we do, yep, what else would a man do, not likely gonna jist stride out an’ chaw down, gotta siddle up ta the issue, make plans and all.

 

Wild:               Really?  Sounds like y’alls in these parts are fair ta middlin’ strange how y’alls go about yore chawin’ down, seems like.

 

Whip:              Y’all ain’t from these parts is my speculation fer a fact.

 

Wild:               Call up Wells Fargo, take it ta the bank on that is all I say.  I jist rode in on my ol’ painty horse from across the Bicuspids over yonder.

 

Billy:               The Bicuspids?

 

Wild:               Yep.

 

Slim:                Y’all mind sharin’ with us jist what be the Bicuspids?

 

Whip:              Fer a fact, fer a fact!  ‘Bout the only bicuspids I been hearin’ ‘bout are mostly in the mouths of folks in these parts . . . ‘cept in the case of ol’ Jesse Toobermiliken off down the street here, and he got them thar store bought teeth, fer shore.

 

Billy:               But still ain’t noboby rides over them, not on painty or any other kinda horseflesh is my best guess. . . . least wise not on purpose.

 

Slim:                Regardless, nothin’ would flat out pleasure me more than ta sit here an’ chin wag with ya, Mr.  .  . . . Mr. . . . dad blame it I plumb fergot my manners, name’s Slim Sagebrush, (points at Billy), that thar sad lookin’ hombre he’s known ‘round these parts as Billy Bendflaster, over ta the other side, (points to Whip), that ornery lookin’ sidewinder’s none other than Whip Wheelwright.  And what be yore name, fer a fact?

 

Wild:               Fur Afact?  Now just what kinda name would that be fer a cowboy?  Me I catch me lotsa critters skin em fer their fur but never once crossed ma mind ta take on the name “Fur” I tell ya that flat out.  Fur Afact, some name that!

 

Billy:               Jist you haul back on yore cinches fer a minute fer us ta tell y’alls fer shore what we are here fer ta mean.  Now not once did ol’ Slim come out fer ta say fer a minute we was ‘a hankerin’ fer ta call y’alls Fur.  I mean, what fer would we’uns want fer ta call y’alls Fur, what fer I ask y’alls?

 

Wild:               Shore as yore name’s Billy Bendfaster .. .

 

Billy:               That’s Bendflaster.

 

Wild:               My apologies an’ sympathies an’ sorrowfuls and all.  Fact is though, my name is Wild Arthur Winston.

 

Whip, does double take:          Wild Arthur Winston?  Whatever kinda name is that fer an out-west hombre fer ta have, I do ask y’all?

 

Wild:               Well all the good names was taken when I set out ta get me a name.  Tried out Wild Bill Hiccup, like ta hit the wall on that one I tell ya!  No better luck with Wyatt Burp.

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