Women Fear-Less

  • Cast Number: 5
  • Run-time: 20 minutes
  • Bible Reference: Deuteronomy 31:8

Theme:            This comedy was written for a church women’s retreat.
A church women’s retreat has been planned with the theme of Women Fear-Less, or WFL. But 4 ladies, (wannabe football players), mistook WFL as Women’s Football League. Through the silliness of all this a strong message of God’s support comes through.
God’s Word says “Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.” Easy to say, but how do we practice that in the middle of the night, in the midst of illness and even death?

 

Bible Reference:          Deuteronomy 31:8

 

Cast:                5 women any age
Betty (hostess for women’s event)
Downtown (quarterback)
Swerve (running back)
Blockin’ Bertha (Offensive linelady) If possible a smaller lady
Hustle (wide receiver)

 

Set:                  blank

 

Sound:             wireless mics if available
“On Roughriders” song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k608lKT6kvg (1.5 minutes) played at beginning and end

 

Costumes:       Tee shirts with WFL in large lettering
(if available) football type pads or padding

 

Props:              Bible, football, pom-poms, batons

 

Time:              20 minutes

 

Sample of script:

 

Betty is on stage sorting clothing and supplies

all other actors come on stage dancing to a football-type song

On Roughriders song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k608lKT6kvg (1.5 minutes)

 

Betty watches in amazement, finally shouts out

 

Betty:               Stop that noise! . . . . Stop it . . . now!

 

music and 4 actors stop, confused looks on faces

 

Downtown:     Whhhhaaaaaattttt? . . . . What for y’alls stop our team salute, man?

 

Hustle:             Yeh, we was for sure just getting’ inta our’ns stride, man!

 

Blockin:           We’s needs that hype for ta’ gets the the ol’ blood pumpin’ and the adrenaline a’whompin’ man.

 

Swerve:           It’s sorta like y’alls is tryin’ ta stuff the cork inta the bottle of gridiron reality man!

 

Betty:               Exactly what language are you people speaking? . . . “Gridiron . . . whompin’ . . . team salute” . . . .

 

Downtown:     The language is . . . (Hustle, Swerve & Blockin stand reverently with hand over heart), . . . good ol’ 4 down American football is what!

 

Hustle, arm around Downtown’s shoulder:  
And for sure they ain’t nobody like my bud Downtown here, knows good ol’ 4 down American football better!

 

Downtown, embarrassed:     
Awww shucks Hustle, I ain't no one special, all I do is just heaves the pigskin far as I kin and there fer sure is my bestest wide receiver Hustle, she grabs it and is gone like a streak’a lightnin’, across the goal line! . . .  Whoosh! . . .  Automatic 6 points!

 

Betty, confused:          
“Pigskin?” . . . . “Automatic 6 points?”

 

Swerve, to Betty:        
You ain't real up on 4 down American football, is yuh ma’am? . . . And jest who are y’alls anyways?

 

Betty:               I am Betty, and I work here. . . . More important, who are you people?

 

Downtown:     My regrets fer sure ma’am. . .  Me I’m Downtown, I’m the quarterback, and, (points to Hustle),  . . . this here is Hustle, best wide receiver you ever did see.

 

Betty, confused:          
“Receiver . . . . of what?”

 

Hustle:             Of . . . pigskins . . . of course.

 

Betty, tries to agree but confused:      
Of . . . course! . . . . I think?

 

Downtown:     Yup ol’ Hustle here she catches the pigskin, . . but when ol’ Hustle is covered . .

 

Betty, confused:          
“Hustle is covered . . . covered by what?”

 

Downtown:     Covered by defenders . . . Although truth ta tell, ain't many defenders kin cover ol’ Hustle!

 

Hustle, dancing moves:          
Shake an’ bake, human earthquake!

 

Downtown:     But, like I said, when ol’ Hustle is covered, comes time for . . . . dreaded connection . . . BB an’ S!

 

Betty, confused:          
“BB an’ . . . I mean . . . BB and S?”

 

Downtown:     Yep for sure . . . . If’n ol’ Hustle is covered we’uns go to Blockin’ Bertha and Swerve!

 

Betty, confused:          
“And they would be . . . ?”

 

Downtown, hand on Blockin’ Bertha:
Blockin’ Bertha here, best offensive linelady you ever did see, she kin take on 5, 6 defensive lineladies, knock thems inta tomorrow, she kin!
Makes a hole big enough fer a big ol’ Mack truck to drive through!
(hand on Swerve)
Then ol’ Swerve, our awesome incredible runnin’ back here, she can scamper through ta the goal line!
Another 6 points baby!

 

Downtown, Swerve & Blockin’ Bertha high 5

 

Betty, confused:          
So what has this to do with Calvary Chapel White Mountains and the women’s retreat?

 

Blockin’:         “Retreat”? . . . . We’uns don’t nevah retreat, we’uns don’t! . . ..  Nevah!!!

 

Swerve:           It’s just always . . . . (sings badly) . . . On Roughriders!

 

Blockin’, Swerve, Downtown & Hustle sing together, badly

 

Sing:                On Roughriders! . . .

 

Betty, interrupts:        
Please! . . .  No more of that .. . . singing, . . . . or whatever it is!
Just tell me . . . why are you guys here?

 

Hustle:             Well, first off, we’uns ain't guys, we’uns is gals . . . But layin’ that aside, we’uns is here ta be part of yore WFL!

 

Betty, confused:          
“WFL?” . . . . You want to be part of our Women Fear Less program?

 

Blockin’, Swerve, Downtown & Hustle confused, then “get” the idea it’s a joke, all laugh, high 5

 

Swerve:           I git it . . . y’alls is joshin’ us is what!

 

Downtown:     Good joke fer sure . . .  but, back ta brass tacks, we’uns plan ta be a part of yer WFL, fer sure! . . . Women’s Football League!

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