interactive mystery spoof, someone has stolen the clock many years ago, and now is the appointed time when someone must pay!
A totally off-the-wall dinner theatre script designed for a good, clean, fun, evening’s entertainment.
- Gramps (senior)
- Nancy / Nasty (middle age)
- Willie Watchman the town watchmaker
- Tim Thom
- Pastor O. Ver Thyme
- Mayor Gerda Clockenspiel
- Grant Gumshoe the PI
- Narrator / Normie
Props: large watch for Willie rocking chair
Note: throughout the drama when any actor says the word “time” they strongly emphasize it.
Sample of script:
Gramps is in rocking chair, dozing, snoring, Nancy comes on stage.
Nancy: Hey Gramps, how’s things at Command Central? (shakes Gramps) Gramps! Gramps! How are you supposed to hear me, making so much noise!
Gramps, wakes: Wha . . what . . .hey, Nancy, that you, why I musta dropped off for a second there seems like.
Nancy: A second? I don’t think so Gramps, it was a long, long time!
Gramps: A long time? Nope, sure it wasn’t a long time! Was just a second and a second is a short time.
Nancy: So, anyhow, what’s happening for you today Gramps?
Gramps: Not sure, Nancy. Let’s see, here, what day is it? Wednesday the 18th as I recall.
Nancy: Nope, Friday the 29th. (use the day on which the drama will be performed)
Gramps: You’re not serious, Friday 29th you say? Oh my, I must get going this minute!
Nancy: Why is Friday the 29th so special? Mind telling me what’s happening Friday 29th?
Gramps: What’s happening you ask? Why, it’s Friday 29th and that means we . . . . let’s see here, nothing at all special I guess. It’s March, right? Whew, here I got myself all into a lather for no good reason.
Nancy: Nope, September. (use current month)
Gramps: Oh, please! Tell me it ain’t true! I can’t believe that here I am, just a-sittin’ here, it bein’ September, Friday 29th no less, and I gotta go get . . .
Nancy: Slow down, Gramps! Why are you so worried about it being September?
Gramps: You young folks! No perception of time, do you? I gotta tell you, if it is September then it is time to . . . . . .
Nancy: Time to what Gramps? Just you slow down, take it easy, tell me why you are so worried that the time is September.
Gramps: Well, just look here, if the time is September, why then doncha see, it means that . . . it means . . .
Nancy: . . . it means what Gramps?
Gramps: . . .means . . . somethin’, . . . . . . somethin’ I have no recollection of is what!
Nancy: Look Gramps, you are getting all worked up, and for nothing! You know this isn’t good for your heart!
Gramps: Have to admit you’re right there all right! Ol’ Doc Iverson he told me, watch that old pa dum heart a yours, he said, plain as day, more’n one time, he sure did say it. Ol’ Doc he says, “one day, you don’t control your excitement it will be: pa dum pa dum pa dum pa . . . . . . zeeeeoooonggggggggg!
Nancy: “pa dum pa . . . . . . zeeeeoooonggggggggg? Just what does the “pa dum pa . . . . . . zeeeeoooonggggggggg” mean?
Gramps: Means my old heart is pumpin’ away, then in the midst of all the excitement, why it just . . . zeeeeoooonggggggggg! Quits on the spot. Pa dum for the last time! And I’m a goner, I am!
Nancy: Well, you watch it then Gramps! No more worrying about what day or month or time it is, understand?
Gramps: There you go Nancy, right as usual you are. (pause, think) Anyhow, it’s still just 1993, right?
Nancy: 1993? Where have you been all this time Gramps? It’s 2002! (current year) Not 1993!
Gramps, jumps out of chair, excited: 2002? It’s 2002? Don’t just sit there! It’s 2002! This is scary, is what! It’s time!
Nancy: See, there you go again! You had a fit when you found out it was Friday the 29th, then you really lost it ‘cause it was September. Now, just ‘cause it happens to be the year 2002 you are flipping out! Chill, Gramps! Chill!
Gramps, agitated: You do not understand! It is the 29th!
Nancy: Yes, we went through that already! 29th’s happen nearly every month, no biggie!
Gramps: No, no biggie on its own but, listen! It is Friday the 29th!
Nancy: You may remember we went through that as well. Friday the 29ths are not all that rare either . . . . .
Gramps: Listen up! The time is . . Friday, September 29th . . .in the year . . .2002!
Nancy: Yes, it is. Which means . . . nothing special really, you said so yourself last time!
Gramps: That was before it sunk in! It is 2002! Repeat after me . . .(slowly mouths the words in Nancy’s face) 2002!
Gramps: No, say it like I do, slowly, carefully, think it through! 2 – 0 – 0 - 2!
Nancy: 2 – 0 – 0 – 2.
Gramps: There you go, you got it this time, didn’t you?
Nancy, nods head affirmative, says: Nooooooooo I did not!
Gramps: I simply can not figure you out! How can you sit there and be so calm while meanwhile it is Friday, September 29th, 2002, and that means that . . .
Nancy: . . . means that what, Gramps?
Gramps, slowly slides back into chair, holds hands over heart: . . . time to kill!
Nancy: Time to kill?
Gramps: Yes . . . . time . . . .time to kill.
Nancy: Which means . . . .?
Gramps: Time is up!
Nancy: Time? Up?
Gramps: Sorry to tell, yes!
Nancy: I think you lost me on that one that time Gramps.
Gramps: That’s exactly it, time! Friday, September 29th! It’s that time!
Nancy: Time to what?
Gramps: Time to . . . . . kill!
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