Monologue Father/Man. The anxiety this man feels about facing life alone trying to be a man, a husband, a father. He comes to a peace knowing that when he puts his life in God's hands, being a man is not as daunting as it first appeared to be. Hard work, trust, faith and belief will see us through.
Sample of script:
"Be a substantive man, son!" So clearly I recall my dad's words! His big, booming voice punctuating every word, like a sledge hammer shattering words from mounds of granite! "Be a substantive man, son!" "Remember your responsibilities, don't shirk them, ever! You will be the man someday, son, the head of your home! Be a substantive man!" And then, one day, hearing, "You are grown, boy, you're a man now!" A man! Over the many years since, my father's words come back to me. "You're a man now!" Sometimes I want to say, "this wasn't what I wanted, certainly not what I expected"! Sometimes being a substantive man seems too much for me, I'm apprehensive, I'm overwhelmed, I'm anxious. I'm afraid.
What if things go wrong with my job? How do I support my family? They are counting on me. How do I make ends meet? What if I can't live up to the expectations which society, it seems, has set out that substantive men must achieve? What if others are smarter, faster, better, more productive, more . . . manly? What if . . . . ? My family seems to feel that, no matter what happens, I can deal with every eventuality.
After all, I am the . . . man. It's nice they have that kind of faith, but, if they only knew how unsure of my own capabilities I sometimes am. Or what pressure it sometimes brings on. Being a substantive man. I wonder, are there any . . . . real men? I have now reached that time in my life at which I had always expected a man would have it all together.
A time when career, marriage, family and life interests would have been happily established. But even before reaching this much anticipated land of milk and honey, the reality is already clearly understood: the long awaited success is still just neatly out of reach, just somewhere out of sight, around the next bend. Now, having arrived at the stage where I had dreamed I would be invincible, I am, more than at any time in my life, becoming painfully aware of my limitations. I am just a man, having all the frailties, failings, fragilities and faults; the imperfections, inadequacies, shortcomings, and weaknesses; the sad feelings of helplessness, and, sometimes, hopelessness.
And I realize the truth: I am only one man. Alone. Not a group, not even a leader of a group. I am just one man. Alone. Being a man sometimes seems a lonesome path. Instinctively a man wants honesty and openness with those close to him: his wife, his family, with his friends and co-workers. Yet, sometimes it just can't happen. You can't always say what's really in your heart. If you told all to your family, it might worry them unnecessarily.
Confiding certain matters with a friend can destroy a confidence; and cost a friendship. Where can I go, to whom can I turn? Is there one who will listen, one who will not judge me irrationally, or unfairly? Surely there must be one who can be trusted with my innermost concerns, with my most dreaded fear.
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