Description

Remember the old saying “Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars”?

Well, it’s the 125th anniversary of a church and celebrations are being planned. Eve Eden, (and yes, her husband’s name is Adam), is trying to get her husband into the planning mode but . . thing is, Adam Eden doesn’t listen real good. Even when some of his buddies try to help, nothing runs all that well.
This easily staged 3 scene Dinner Theatre drama, (which DramaShare was commissioned to write for this church), is excellent for dinner theatre or outreach, has lots of wacky humour but also speaks of the place of the Christian church in the community.
An original song, (to the tune of Johnny Cash’s “Don’t Take Your Guns To Town”), runs through the drama.
Promise Players, Gap PA  did 9 performances to a total of 1,676 people and were able to give $8,780 to charity!  They say, “Thank you so much for letting us stage your play. Many have benefited from it. “

Cast: 12+ m or f

• 12+
• Adam Eden, 25+
• Eve Eden, Adam’s wife, 25+
• Simon, likely 25+
• Rhonda, Simon’s wife, likely 25+
• Fred, likely 25+
• Billie, Fred’s wife, likely 25+
• Tony, a single friend, likely 25+
• Janet, a single friend, likely 25+
• Narrator, any age, m or f. (could also be narrator)
• Singer(s), any age, m or f (can be one person or several)
• 2 Waiters, any age, m or f (non-speaking roles)

Bible Reference: 1 Corinthians 14:12

Set:

• The same set can be used throughout the drama.
• Throughout all scenes there is a fairly large table with chairs at center stage.
• For Scene III two additional chairs are added, at right stage and left stage positions.
• To avoid moving these tables on for the final scene you could have those tables covered appropriately.

Sound: wireless mics if available

Song:

• “Listen To Your Wife Son” is available from DramaShare
• to the tune of Johnny Cash’s “Don’t Take Your Guns To Town”

Lighting:

• it would be useful to have spots to highlight the action in Scene III

SFX:

• doorbell sound

Props:

• newspapers, phone book, coffee cups

Costumes:

• regular clothing except hard hats and hip waders for the men in final scene

Special Instructions: none

Time: 90

Sample of script:

Scene I:

Narrator comes on stage

Narrator: Welcome to our town . .
and welcome to some of this town’s notable citizens . . .
people like Adam . . . and his wife Eve . . .
(pauses, thinks)
Well fact is that Eve, she is notable . .
Adam . . . not so much . .
(pauses, thinks)
Well, . . . guess you could say, . . in some ways, everybody’s notable . . It’s just that Adam is notable in a . . not-so-notable way . . . know what I mean?
(pauses, looks out into audience, as though waiting for an answer)
No?
Well just stick with the story here, it will all come out . .
(pauses, thinks)
At least I think it will . . .
See, Adam, he’s . . .
How can I describe Adam?
(pauses, thinks)
See, thing is, Adam, as well as being notable in a not-so-notable way, . . see Adam is describable in an . . indescribable way . .
So maybe best you learn a little more about Adam by just watching him as he . .
(pauses, thinks)
See Adam, he’s the kind of guy who can take the most clearest concept and make it . . . Oh I don’t know . . like he can take a clear concept and make it look like looking through the worst London fog that Big Ben ever did see . .
(pauses, as though listening to comment from audience)
London fog . . .
(pauses, as though listening to comment from audience)
Big Ben is the clock in London where they get a lot of fog . .
(pauses, as though listening to comment from audience)
No, this story does not get it’s beginning in London . .
(pauses, as though listening to comment from audience)
Look, as the narrator of this here event I was simply trying to set the stage for what is about to happen and I . .
(pauses, as though listening to comment from audience, gets annoyed)
Well la de da to you too!
Some people . . !
Anyhow, thing is, . . big major anniversary celebration of one of this town’s foremost entities . . . and Adam, as usual, he was in La La Land!
(turns to leave, pauses, looks back, walks back a step or two)
I want you to keep a close eye on Adam, you will notice how at the end he . .
(pauses, thinks)
Sorry, guess you don’t want to know the outcome until . . . I’ll just sit down here and . . .
(pauses, as though listening to comment from audience, gets annoyed)
OK, I’m going, I’m going OK?

Narrator leaves stage, lights come up on Adam and Eve who are sitting at table reading newspapers, drinking coffee

Eve: Wow, isn’t this something!

Adam, disinterested, doesn’t look up from paper: Amazing!

singer comes on stage

Singer: A handsome guy named Adam, he
Sat with his dear wife Eve
Adam was a good man but
A list’ner, don’t believe
When reading from the sports page he
Was like a man obsessed
She’s done her best, she’s not im-pressed

(Chorus)
Please listen to your wife son
Lay the paper down boy
Please lay the paper down.

Eve: What are these people thinking?

Adam, same: Oughta give their heads a shake is what!

Singer: Adam smiled and nodded
And pretended he had heard
But they both knew that Adam Eden
Hadn’t heard a word
But he was smooth and covered up
He really played it well
But in her eyes the truth was seen

(Chorus)
Please listen to your wife son
Lay the paper down boy
Please lay the paper down.

Eve: After all a major anniversary like this needs to be celebrated.

Adam, same: Take that to the bank for sure.

Singer: Her words they fell like silent mist
Upon his listless mind
He really wasn’t listening but
For a man he was quite kind
He knew that he should listen close
But the Packers were behind
And the Yankee’s pennant hopes were dashed

(Chorus)
Please listen to your wife son
Lay the paper down boy
Please lay the paper down.

Eve: How often do they think this kind of thing comes around! . . I’ll tell you how often . . once in 125 years, is what! Saint Barnabas church is celebrating 125 years!

Adam, same: Shame is what it is.

Singer: What Eve said, what Adam heard
Were really not the same
Adam tried to look informed
But really looked quite lame
The more he tried the worse it got
And soon it was a mess
But he is a man, men don’t confess

(Chorus)
Please listen to your wife son
Lay the paper down boy
Please lay the paper down.

singer leaves stage

Eve: See what makes it all the worse . . .

Adam, same: I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Eve: Are you listening to me Adam?

Adam, same: Makes you wonder doesn’t it?

Eve, looks at Adam, frowns, pauses, speaks: Did you notice that there is a big hole in the atmosphere right above us?

Adam, same: I’ll get right to it.

Eve: And there are six horses exercising on our lawn.

Adam, same: It’s all under control hon.

Eve, angry: Adam Eden! . . You have not heard one word I have spoken to you.

Adam, same: For sure hon, we should do that. . . And I will get right on it soon’s I’m done with coffee.

Eve, tears paper out of Adam’s hands: When I am speaking to you Adam, the very least you can do is listen to what I am saying!

Adam, shock: Wha . .What?

Eve: You have not heard one word I have said!

Adam: Awww hon, that is simply not true! . . I mean I listen real close to every word you say . . 24/7. . . (pauses) . . Now wait . . I didn’t mean that you talk 24/7, why that sweet voice of yours, I wish you would talk even more . . (pauses) . . Now I didn’t mean “even more” as in . .

Eve: Adam Eden, I swear you never listen! . . Not one word of what I have said even impacted you and I have a mind to . .

Adam: Awww hon, now that is not fair! . . Why right now, as we speak I am working on everything you said and I . .

Eve: Working on everything I said huh? . . And exactly how are you working on everything I said?

Adam, worried: I am like . . workin’ on . . everything . . in . . in my mind, that’s what.

Eve: In your mind?

Adam: Yep, for sure, just like a loving and kind and attentive husband should do . . and I am for sure attentive . . and loving . . and kind . . and don’t forget loving.

Eve: OK fine, loving and attentive husband of mine, tell me, just tell me one of the things you are working on . . in your mind . . tell me, OK?

Adam: I could tell you all the things . . easiest thing to do . . but, thing is . . a fella oughta not go and start spillin’ out all the stuff that’s in his mind before it has a chance to get all digested and stuff . .

Eve: You plan to digest all that’s in your mind?

Adam: Well of course! . . I mean this is the big difference, like that’s how you can tell the difference between gals and guys, guys digest what’s in their mind.

Eve: So you look at a person and you tell whether they are man or woman by whether you can see them digesting what’s in their mind?

Adam: Yeh, for sure . . Well, look, there is other stuff a guy takes into account to tell if it’s a gal but . .

Eve: I am glad to hear that, you had me worried for while. . . So OK, you are telling me that everything about the anniversary is under control?

Adam: Hey be fair, I am good on anniversaries!

Eve: Good? . . Who was it forgot our anniversary the past five years?

Adam: Look, you have to admit I am getting better. Last year I remembered what month our anniversary was in.

Eve: Give the man a prize! . . Likely you also remembered our anniversary fell on a day ending in the letter “Y”!

Adam: Be fair, go on, be fair! Didn’t I remember the anniversary of the last time my hockey team, the Toronto Maple Leafs, last won the Stanley Cup?

Eve: Adam, the Maple Leafs haven’t won the Stanley Cup in like a hundred years! . . Their last win is now ancient history, etched in shame.

Adam: Aww hon, that like bad hurts!

Eve: Whatever! . . Now I gotta go pick up Janice to help her make plans for the anniversary.

Adam: You just go ahead, leave all the details on the . . umm . . anniversary in my capable hands. . . Just one question . . . Is there some . . people . . I should be like talking to about this . . anniversary . . I mean, so that we get a good idea of whose anniversary this is?

Eve: Whose anniversary . . You mean that you didn’t listen when I told you whose anniversary this is? . . . I was right the first time, . . you never listen!

Adam: Oh do you just hear me . . I meant to say “who is invited to this anniversary”! . . For sure we all know whose anniversary this is . . I mean everyone knows that . . Or do they maybe? . . . Oh silly me of course they do! . . Now just one thing, we want to do this thing up right, it will take a buncha people to carry it off . . How be hon if you do a write-up, all real clear and with names . . all about the anniversary and give it to me and I can . . .